Smooth Criminal is dead

Michael Jackson is dead.. He, Rambo, Terminator and Archie were what introduced me to America when i was young.. my mom's youger brother Rishi would break dance to glory on his songs impressing all the town babes.. we worshipped his moves.. we loved him.. he was so sexy.. and we would dig out for rumours about him.. is he really white.. did he have a skin operation.? did he change his sex.. does he take hormones to keep his voice the way it is... and so many more.. he was fascinating.. I remember me and my sis dancing to Scream when we were younger.. i would pretend i was michael.. she was janet.. and it was fun..

rest in peace michael... you will always be a part of our childhood... no matter whatever they said about you... you will always be special to us.

of life and all that jazz..

life ain't in black and white ... she said.. its all grey.....


bullshit...


life is always black or white....

else you are not honest... and you never were..

that is why i killed you jaan...

I was never upset that you lied.. I am upset only cause i will never trust you again....


and so ...go away.... for the sake of those old memories which we still cherish... please go away...

Psycho Somatic Addict Insane

Initial : - Any of the hazar hazardous emotional state..

Let the music play...
The wise and old monk joins you..
And the rocket is ready..... wooo .... hoooo...


yeah.... you like them electric dreams ...don't you?


And then you join the underworld..... dark recesses ... and we are all soulless now... self destructive.... lost... wild... hopeful.... maybe seeking redemption... or death... whatever comes earlier....

"What do you want from life ?" - Baba Bullet
"I want to die young" - V2 (Virgin V)

To all the girls I loved before..

The roads know you...
You know the roads...


Each evening has its own mood...sometimes its about the innocent time together stolen secretly without the knowledge of your parents.. . sometimes its a prison cell ... waiting and waiting... helpless nights... other times it reminds you of dark tales of lust... stories of flesh and sweat... whispered voices... desires and explosions...


Friends are hard to find... harder to keep... Nothing lasts forever... Time destroys all.. But till then... we shall be... together...


She never makes promises... she is just too moody... and right now she loves you... of tomorrow, we just can't say..


Sometimes she tempts you a lot... It all seems perfect and you wonder if you should just stay back... ..
Suddenly you hear Su's voice ..... "Never get into anything thinking it will last forever"... you see kadsoo's moist eyes... "Are you ever pitching you tents ?"




You wish you could .. maybe you are scared...maybe you are waiting for someone else... maybe you'll always remain a traveler... You never forget her last words ...

While my guitar gently weeps...

shooshhhhhh... babes... u want too much .. and this is all i can do for you.. so let this be the last song i play on my guitar for you...

Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who's never weak but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door

But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe

me leaving as no reponse..from u....

It hurts to set you free... but you'll never follow me...the end of laughter and soft lies...the end of nights we tried to die... This is the end... beautiful friend...

Little did the lizard king knew someday his words would provide so much solace to you... you see that’s the beauty of songs and words... year after year they still evoke so many emotions within us..

Don’t I remember those oh so wasted nights when you would walk down in the rain.. All trippy.. so spaced out... and there was so much of peace...and that silly smile that you would wear... why is it that u turned into such an addict insane... ? Oh don't give me that crap about how you are all detoxified and clean now... I know your new addiction he he ... see I know you in and out…

She once said it’s all about a self destructive streak that you have... (Or did she actually say that? I know all about illusions and fake memories sweetheart... and I know you have the talent for it)


Oh so now you want to wait?

Really ?

Giving it up would make it all so easy... but now you are being just another stubborn child... you want that chocolate and you won't be happy till you get it.. Isn’t this what it is all about? Man Child…. Those were the exact words… hurts you? Yes??

You romanticize sweetheart....sentimental old fool... hmmm… nice word.. I love it... I know you love it too... and let me tell you ... no one is melting thinking about your loss of god... ... and for those who know... you are just another 'oh so cool' pal who is "oh so gone..." and they at some level love it cause it gives them something to pity on... you make a nice topic to converse on these days ... so congratulations daahling ..
on becoming a case study now ... its been one amazing transition...

and so you must close yourself... you were always good at that ... remember those old days..? Ah..i know you started dreaming and thought there was someone who would always listen... and you started talking to her of days and the nights.. and stars up above... you had your good times.. but now its over honey... I see that frown on your face and I know you don’t like me summing it up in just one sentence... 'Its over..!' Boom!!!! see.. you old fool.. you just don’t get it..."

I guess you are brainwashed with all those years of doors that u listened to ... and its so cool to imagine that it's you whom he talked bout when he sang ... Lost in a roman wilderness of pain.. and all the children .... are insane... waiting for the serenade... He was not talking about you dear... all that the lizard king was doing was getting his kicks before the whole shithouse went down in flames... like i said ... you are too romantic...

wait is such a waste of time..
hurt is such a waste of time...

yea daahling... we are such wastes of ourselves..yea yeah..me too!
so dont give me that stare..


Time to get some cement ... and build a wall... I know you don't want to do that ... and you believe in not being scared of telling how much incomplete you are right now ... and you believe you can turn things around...

Let me tell you the problem here... you are the romantic... and that is still ok... but the trouble is you are way too much in love with the idea of being in love ...
and you are scared of getting close... and yes you are a sailor... with a wife in every port...
too many contradictions you think... ??
Remember what curly chick said when she found you with Michele?



Like su told you.. the trick is ... Never get into anything thinking it will last forever.. remember that lonely night few days back at the station... where you kept watching those trains.... and each would bring a trainful of memories taking you thru highs and lows... oh how much you cried because you couldn't take the torture anymore... the tracks looked so enticing ... one jump... one second...and it would all be over... you wanted to do it... ..

but see... that moment passed...

everything goes away.. like su darling told you... time has no special children... you are special only in the eyes of those who adore you... only those eyes are not there anymore...




What’s the big deal about anyways about you waking up till late in the night for the pure pleasure of watching an angel sleep .. Strands of hair falling over that face... those parted lips... and the bosom heaving as she breathes... and that one peaceful moment when she becomes the beautiful night and night becomes her...and please you don't need that jazz about how she walks in beauty...

Seriously...

Let the the dead ones be... they will never believe in romance ... they have learnt enough from life to be wary... to distrust... to just move on...
and you will too ....


How you weep… and cry…
and then you Wish you could believe in those little lies…
To think of what you've loved and lost…
What it all gave you and what it cost…
The loss of the sunshine... of god



It will be a long cold winter..

The Delhi Connection....

Cigarettes... rum... vodka..... drugs of choice.... and mad mad men.... and a even madder woman..

and there were others too...

love .....lost when it was just found....

hurt .... so deep it will last a lifetime...

helplessness... that just kills..

pain... which became physical so much so that it becomes difficult to breathe....

and they the whys... oh god...

no answers..... thats the worst part....no answers.....

in the meantime mud, su and interlunar try to survive... each glorifying those oh so little years of their lives... thinking over and over bout all those incidents... replaying them in their mind till they make them numb... its their addiction... cause they all know thats it only when the pain becomes optimum they will somehow start to breathe easy again....

interlunar.... my poor child... if you could just love yourself more than you love him... you would be so much at peace ...

and su my daahling... ah daahling ... its so nice to see you with a new man everytime where you know them just enough not to let them hurt you anymore...... and its painful to imagine you are still not over him and all the men in the world might just not suffice for your oh so charming prince....

and mud... breathe... sweetheart... just breathe... remember the story you read when you were a kid.. of the king whose lovely queen died.. and he searched the world over for a magic potion which could make her alive again....and the goddesses all saw his love and his helplessless and they took pity on him and they gave him that potion.. remember...??

I wish i could tell you you are that king... you are not sweetheart.....

and with time it will be easy... but yeah... you'll never be happy again and i cannot help you now ...

and till you three sleep for one last time in the cold cold earth... you'll always smile ... and cry ... when you'll know whats common to you all.... the delhi connection....

Dark days ahead....

Sonny boi... there are dark days ahead.....
and you'll have to make a choice....

and thats about it...
in the meantime let me enjoy ur misery for some more time... its fun you see..